What Are You Most Unafraid Of?
*This week 10 Camels has been on the road, so we are re-sharing a post from October 2022, when Wednesdays at the Well was just getting started on Facebook. We’ll be back with new words and water next week.
I started taking swimming lessons as a toddler. Well, as an aqua-tot student I wasn’t really swimming strokes, but was in the pool weekly learning to be comfortable in the water. Splashing. Floating. Putting my face in. These weekly lessons continued until junior high. Each session, every season, every new level, I was a little more brave and daring. Acquiring new skills, conquering new strokes. I could hold my breath under water for the full length of the pool. Tread water in the deepest parts.
But in fourth grade when it came for diving head first off the blue diving board, I was so afraid. Nothing about water or the pool had ever frightened me before this. I’d dive from the edge of the pool to the bottom to collect rings and then heavy bricks. I’d jump frontward and backward from the diving board. But just the thought of diving head first off the diving board into the deep end filled me with an unexplainable fear.
At first, I thought of excuses to get out of it. Then reasons to miss sessions all together. Like being sick or unable to find my bathing suit. And I did stay home one week. But I missed the pool. I didn’t want to lose out on the 45 minutes of the water time I loved for the last 15 minutes at the diving board I feared.
I was a determined and creative kid. There weren’t many things in life I loved and looked forward to, but swim class each week was my favorite. And I wasn’t going to give it up without a fight. I came home from school one day and formulated a plan. I pulled the mattress off my bed and set it in front of the dresser. After clearing off the top of the dresser, I climbed up and walked it back and forth like the diving board. Starting at one end and slowly walking to the other. I’d place my feet right at the edge. Rock and bounce up and down. Bend my knees and place my hands in the correct position. Imagining myself gracefully diving head first into the water…
I never actually dove off the dresser head first into the mattress, which is probably a good thing, but I’m sure all those afternoons practicing on top of my dresser were part of conquering my fear.
The night I finally did it, the night I dove head first off the diving board into the pool into 12 feet of water was rather unremarkable. I climbed the ladder like everyone else and with wobbly knees and a racing heartbeat just did it. No fanfare. No cheering. No one really knew how afraid I was, and no one knew the joy I felt when my head hit that water. I still remember the elation of gliding head first into the deep end that had long filled me with fear. And that night there was time for me to do it at least three more times. Each time the excitement growing. Even now as an adult there’s an indescribable rush that comes over me anytime I dive head first into a body of water.
I’m not sure what brought the memories of this experience to the surface. Maybe it’s because life has been filled with such uncertainty lately. Someone asked me, what are you most afraid of. I could give a litany list of answers.
But what about the things I’m not afraid of. Has anyone ever asked you, what are you most unafraid of? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Try it and see what you come up with. Knowing what doesn’t scare us might help us conquer or at the least come to a place of peace with what does.
One thing I’ve never been afraid of is water. And this fact is why I’ve never quite understood the intense fear I had of going head first off the diving board. Pacing back and forth on top of my dresser, I like to imagine I was telling myself all the times I’d trusted the water and survived and had fun. All the pools I’d splashed and swam in. The docks and rafts I’d jumped from. The diving boards I’d jumped feet first off of. That time I’d gone out in a cousin’s boat and floated in the middle of a lake without a life jacket. Canoeing and tubing in rivers up north. Being baptized on my third birthday with cool warm water.
I’ll never know what changed that finally gave me courage to dive in head first. But I’m sure that knowing what I did not fear helped me face what I did.
And the next time I find myself pacing in fear (maybe not on top of a dresser), instead of beating myself up, I’ll ask, what are you most unafraid of?
And trust that the answers will keep me afloat.
Water-fully Yours,
Rebecca & 10 Camels
Thank you for the vivid description of your diving fear. And, thank you for the thoughtful question "What are you most unafraid of?" It will be a useful tool.
I could picture you doing your “practicing “. It made me smile! It reminded me of my fear of heights. Laying on floor or my parents car, crying being afraid. They had stoped halfway across the Windsor bridge. In those days you could do that. It was a kin to small enclosed spaces. That scared me. I almost drowned when I was about 3. I fell into an ice fishing hole that froze into a bugle. I was trying to bust the bubble with my toe. I slipped and fell in. With all the winter clothing on and being so little my 4 year old sister could not help me. Long story, when my sister Rand up the hill into the house and got my mother. When they got to me , I was out of the water and standing on the ice next to the hole. I always say the “ angels helped me out”.
I was helped with my fears thru a family friend who was a healer . He was taught a parapsychology class and was an intuitive. A much longer story. I feel he and I met because I was meant to have him help me. His works in mysterious ways. To me Praying is talking to God. Meditating is Listening to God. I do so enjoy and to you and your messages. Much love.❤️ Cheryl